be a caterpillar 🐛 

life is full of obstacles in the way.. which either allows to grow or slow us down. there have been so many times where i just wanted to give everything up because i didn’t think I was good enough. i put so many things on my plate because i enjoy staying busy but then again it also doesn’t allow me to finish many things that i’ve started.  as a student I feel overwhelmed with making sure I pay my bills and making sure I’m on track to graduate, which I am! excited to say I’ll be graduating with my bachelors in the spring of 2019(if all goes well). I will continue to get my credentials and masters, but we shall see what the future holds. lately i’ve realized I slow myself down by talking down on myself. i have been working on a documentary film about my great-grandma who is currently 90 years old. it’s been about 2 years since i’ve been working on it but I haven’t finished it because i feel like people won’t like it. i know the longer I wait it’ll be too late & my great-grandma won’t have the chance to see it so I told myself: 


BE A CATERPILLAR! 


caterpillars go through so much and if they would’ve given up they would’ve never known what they’ll become. many people give up on their dreams because they think they’re not good enough or negative opinions come in the way. just remember be a caterpillar. there will always be something getting in the way but it’s up to ourselves to either let us take over or breaking that habit and continuing whatever dream we’ve been wanting to conquer. 


making a list of goals has allowed me to keep going because i’ll look at this paper and just say to myself “yes” that will be done. 

ISSA VIBE

WHY R U SO NEGATIVE?
bro i’m having a bad day

or its personal shit.


WE HAVE ALL HAD THOSE TYPES OF DAYS!

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?


negative people are what makes the world toxic.

I get it sometimes as a human being we have bad days but that doesn’t mean you let it out on other people. There was a time where I was always around negative people or just a negative person and it made me become someone I wasn’t. When you surround yourself with negativity you become just that. I remember being so mad at people for no reason but because I was going through something they wouldn’t understand or what I thought should’ve been kept to myself instead of speaking about it. I’m a private person I like keeping my personal stuff to myself but there’s a point where it all just comes out and it doesn’t look good for anyone. From my experience, I have learned that keeping whatever problem that is going on inside is definitely not okay no matter how bad it is. This world doesn’t need negative people because there is so much out there to be happy about and as a human being it isn’t good for the body to be stuck being a rude or mad person. Being an adult is stressful but there’s also ways to enjoy it. Honestly so many people are always saying “stay positive” or “positive vibes” which honestly doesn’t do its justice. Positivity doesn’t just come from posting those words on social media it happens when you come to a realization with yourself that you are okay and you are content with where you are in life.


“Your energy introduces you before you even speak”


That’s 100% true. No one wants to be surrounded by a negative person. Either something is going on inside that is holding you back from being happy or your just simply unaware of what really makes you so negative. I’m not saying to become this jumpy cheery person but to just be happy and grateful for things you are surrounded with either it be having toilet paper to wipe your ass with or having hot water in the shower. I’ve come to the conclusion and realization that what truly makes me smile everyday is music and just stepping outside looking up at the sky because nature honestly boosts my mood. I just don’t think there is a necessity to be mad over something so small or even big because the only one suffering from whatever it is, is you. I have a great example! I currently have a friend who lost someone and it’s been about 4 years and honestly losing someone can be very hard and I understand that. My friend became angry with herself because she feels bad for not being there enough but you know what as a person who lost someone before you have to realize that you have to learn how you will take the loss. Either you let it burden you for there rest of your life and become angry or you realize okay it is time to understand what I am really angry about. Yes it is difficult and I am not saying just forget about the person because I know it doesn’t work that way but now my friend who is living with her mother is mistreating her mother because she doesn’t have her dad by her side breaking her and her mother up when they argue. You come to a realization where who your really hurting is yourself and your letting it out on someone else. Negativity can have a lot of power of emotions but it is up to yourself to reevaluate it in a way where no one is getting hurt. Responsibility comes a long way when it comes to emotions because as an individual you are responsible on how you feel about the situation. Responsibility allows you to understand more about yourself as well because it shows how committed you are to be happy and allowing yourself to be content with the little things in life. Farewell NEGATIVITY and HELLO RESPONSIBILITY!




Harassment Allegations

Sexual harassment is a subject that is very difficult to discuss because not only do people take it as a joke, but it’s actually a very personal subject to speak about. Lately, Hollywood has seen a dramatic increase in sexual harassment allegations, resulting in many prominent figures resigning from their jobs or even getting fired.

Sexual harassment can happen anywhere, and in Hollywood it happens a lot. New York Times stated that after Weinstein’s case, the fallout of 34 men followed, ranging in sexual misconduct accusations, from lewd texts to rape. Weinstein’s scandal allowed others who were victims be heard. As a woman trying to be in the film industry, it’s already extremely difficult, but the fact that men try to take advantage of us also adds a terrifying element.

Actress Heather Graham states, “I think sexism is in our culture, in general, but in my experience as an actress there’s a lot of sexual [harassment].” According to Hollywood Reporter, Graham worked with Weinstein, but she didn’t clearly state if she was a victim. These sexual allegations have encouraged even more women to come forward and address how pervasive this issue is. According to The Washington Post, Cathy Schulman, president of Women in Film, an industry trade group, is launching a sexual harassment help line as well as legal-aid service for those experiencing such behavior in the industry. According to USAToday, “[The] Harvey Weinstein scandal has led to tens of thousands of French women posting the name of their sexual harasser on Twitter, along with details of the incident, under the hashtag ‘Squeal on Your Pig.’”  

According to the Huffington Post, someone is sexually assaulted every 98 seconds. That means that every day, there are about 570 people experiencing sexual violence in this country. Sexual harassment is a serious issue that needs to be addressed and hasn’t been because many people don’t take it seriously, which discredits many women all over the world. Sexual harassment includes whistling, touching or grabbing without consent, lewd and threatening letters, stalking, pressing or rubbing against the victim, and the list goes on.

According to feminst.org, sexual harassment affects a woman's physical and mental health as well as their social and economic issues. Sexual harassment has been and continues to be a social issue. I want to live in a world where sexual harassment decreases and men learn to respect women, but it seems like it just keeps increasing. Even with all the recent news, it’s still not capturing as much attention as it should. With the explosion of Weinstein’s case, people are finally coming out and explaining situations they’ve experienced in the entertainment world.

As a director, I’m scared for the day I’ll experience sexual harassment, and that's something I shouldn't have to worry about. Just being a woman, I have experienced sexual harassment. As a young girl, I’m taught to keep my mouth shut no matter what, but when it comes to invading my personal space, I do speak up because it’s not fair to let someone get away with it. From my personal experience with sexual harassment and assault, I truly believe it does mess with your head because even today I freak out when a guy gets too close to me. Being alone with guy who I don’t feel 100% comfortable with is nerve-wracking. This has interfered with my relationships because now I feel it’s really hard for me to get comfortable with a guy.

Ultimately, the most important thing we can do following sexual harassment or assault experience is to SPEAK UP! This will spread awareness and encourage other victims to do the same. If we start a movement, we can create pressure on the entertainment industry to never tolerate this kind of behavior.

 

Dear Stress, Lets Break Up!

Between work and school, this semester has been incredibly stressful. I often struggle to fall asleep when I’m in bed because I have all these things going through my head about what I didn’t get done that day or what I need to do the next day.

Stress can be positive or negative (for example, getting a new job can be exciting and also nerve wracking because you’re not sure what to expect), but too much negative stress is unhealthy. There are three different types of stress: physical, emotional, and behavioral. My stress is mainly physical and emotional. I have really bad neck and back pain, and a lot of that tension is from stress. I have schoolwork that needs to get done on top of making sure I have time to cook and get to work on time, and my unhealthy eating habits only add to the emotional stress.

I’ve taken a few positive steps towards addressing my stress. It helps to take breaks and take some time to be alone and watch a movie or put on a face mask. Just taking 5 minutes to breathe and meditate is such a de-stresser! Exercising has also helped me a lot because it gives me a chance to let all my frustration channel into my workout. I know that if I don’t have enough sleep, I don’t feel myself and can get really moody, so I try to nap in between classes at the library or even in my car. I’ve also been journaling for a few years now, and that’s allowed me to reflect on how my day was and be thankful of opportunities I took advantage of throughout the day. It helps to write down the thoughts that are racing in my head so I can make sense of them. I would definitely recommend it for people who need a positive outlet for their stress, especially for those of us that are susceptible to quick fixes like drugs and alcohol. I get it, but that kind of lifestyle is unsustainable and can actually make your stress worse.

By and large, the best stress reliever is just staying in touch with my family. They always keep me motivated and help me overcome anything when I feel overwhelmed. Overall, I realized that even though I know I’m stress, I have to take a look at the bigger picture and remember that it doesn’t last forever. Sometimes it may not even be a big deal, but it becomes a big deal when I’m too focused on making sure everything goes right. Stress can sometimes consume our bodies, but it’s something we can control. We just need to take the time to pause, breathe, and prioritize what really matters the most in our lives. For me, that’s my family, and I know they’ll always be there for me when I need them.

Historia de una Inmigrante

Guatemala era una cuidad muy pobre. Era muy difícil encontrar trabajo, no tenía nada de dinero para ayudar a mi familia. Me decidí a venir a los Estados Unidos a los 37 años en el año 1984. Tenía que dejar a mis dos hijas y a mi mami. El coyote me dejó en Los Angeles, cuando llegue no tenía nada conmigo. El coyote me pidió $500 pero no tenía nada. Una amiga me fue a recoger de Palm Springs y me hizo el favor de pagar los $500 que debía. Mis hijas tenían 9 y 10 años cuando las deje. Mis hijas se vinieron a los 16 años. Primero llegó mi hija mayor y después mi hija menor. Después mi mama venía con visa cada 6 meses, hasta que le regale papeles para ser ciudadana. Compre una casita en Palm Springs. Trabajaba en el hotel Hyatt. Mis hijas empezaron a trabajar allí también. Me recuerdo que en esos tiempos me costaba un pollo 75 centavos. En el trabajo me pagaban 4.25$ la hora. Muchas tiendas hoy eran desierto. He tenido mi casa por 33 años, gracias a Dios. Les regale papeles a mis hijas y ahora todos somos ciudadanos. Cuando me empeze a venir a los Estados Unidos se vinieron mis primos y hermanos también. Hoy tengo una familia grande viviendo en Palm Springs, y muchos vivieron en mi casa hasta que encontraban en donde vivir. Estamos felices viviendo en los Estados Unidos.

 -Vilma Rodríguez 

Anonymous

Time keeps moving, and unwinding a clock would mean time is given back. Going back to time is impossible, at least for now. Swimming against such current seems futile, so living with it as it goes by seems easier to say the least.

I do not know who I am, and I suffer from thoughts of my identity. Am I filmmaker, am I an English Literature major, am I American, am I Asian, am I Japanese, am I Filipino? These questions are deeply rooted in my memories and experiences, both deriving from my individuality and my environment. I have always been in constant search for answers, but every thought unravals itself refreshed. As I grow older, my perception is shaped by my experiences. I know answers to such proverbial questions do not come so simply, but those are the trials and tribulations of my journey.

There was an open bar at the wedding I was shooting, and the only drink that were serving for free was wine. I do not fancy wine too much. "Booze or beer is the better buy" is my mantra. My words and my thoughts are more effective at making me completely inebriated than any drink or drug anyways. Leave me in my room for a day, and I will come out looking as gloomy and grey as a morning storm. I was most likely questioning all that is life, as usual.

I remember having a conversation with a friend of mine, and we were talking about ourselves. She was explaining the individual being a prism. The individual stands in the middle of others formed in a circle. From there every person has a different perspective of the individual in the middle. Everyone is experiencing a different side, some might be able to see another side of the individual. Every other point fades beyond the peripheries, not knowing what the other side looks like entirely.

What she said resonates with me, but I compare playing the part to the world of cinema. In my personal endeavor of pursing the sweet dreams of movies, I have experienced that I have to play more than one role weather it be a director, writer, editor, actor, cinematographer, stylist or grip. The question ultimately bleeds into the real world, apart from the world involved with silver screens. Am I a lover, am a a magician, am I a seeker, am I a creator, am I mean, am I sweet, am I a reliable friend, am I a good son, am I a compassionate human? No one can know that I pursue every nuance, even in the most minute away. Am I playing these parts for everyone else, or am I fulfilling them in order for me to be happy?

I originally wanted to write the line as, "Moving round like the third stone from the sun." But putting a ball in a bowl and rolling it around the rim seemed more appropriate to illustrate the chaos of control. The gravitational forces that pull objects towards the sun is more mathematically predictable due to science. This is why the bowl metaphor is important, because a human is in control; humans are unpredictable. There is more than one action that is happening within the bowl; it is not just the bowl rolling against the rim. The ball is also spinning; it is rotating. Not only that, but there is a human that is in control of how quickly the ball moves around within it. Thinking of this moment already makes me sick to my stomach. I feel as if my mind is being tossed around chaotically just by writing this disoriented by the constant motion of unsteadiness and uncertainty. 

Cogito ergo sum, is Latin for "I think, therefore I am" from the French Philosopher Rene Descartes. This is some trivial stuff, Descartes truly sounds crazy, but the craziness echoes some truths within me. Creation is my superpower, and to think that I have the capability to give life (and some kind of reason through whatever I make) keeps me in constant question of everything. I am not reliant on religions, spirituality, or sciences. My belief is of course shaped by my experiences of those listed, but the uniqueness and synonymity make me believe that it will be I who determines my fate. 

I think it is important to experience failure or success in order for me to discover what works for me. The flavors of life cannot be tasted without going through some kind of process.

#BossLady

Being single is awesome. It’s allowed me to accept myself and appreciate myself. I’m comfortable with who I am and how I look. I don’t feel like I need anyone, and I’ve never been afraid to just be myself. I look out for myself, and I don’t depend on anyone.

There have been times that I’ve cried myself to sleep. I’ve wiped my own tears. I’m sure that sometimes it would be great to have someone comfort me, but for the most part I enjoy my own company. I’ve never been the kind of person that looks forward to marriage any time soon. I’m proud that I take care of myself, and I love that I can do what I want when I want, no matter what anyone else thinks.

I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN.

Having a Purpose 🎞

Life isn’t easy. We work. We go to school. Oftentimes, we do both. Being really busy can be fun, but usually it’s just exhausting. Although I received my associate’s degree and have a full time job, I still find myself asking, what’s my purpose? 

All these years, I’ve been looking for a cause to really devote myself to. Only recently have the people around me made me realize what it is I love most: helping and inspiring others.

First and foremost, I want to be a director. I know I can inspire others through art and creativity behind the screens. Accordig to Variety, women only make up 7% of all directors in Hollywood. My first goal is to change that.

There are so many people around me who don’t believe in me, and they never have from the start. I’m okay with that. I know I can prove them wrong.

I realized that achieving your goals is the purpose of living. I know that whatever I do, I just want to make my parents proud, and hopefully I already am. I want them to look at my work and think, “Wow, she did it.”

There are so many people who have everything they would ever need, get everything they ever ask for, and they still don’t have a purpose. We expect so much more than life can really give us. Keep in mind, patience is the key to everything. In the age of technology, we’re so used to having instant gratification, but life doesn’t actually work that way. You have to really get lucky, or work really, really hard.

Once your find your gift, your passion, share it! People will appreciate it, regardless of what others think. Working towards your goals and having a sense of direction is already a step towards success. My passion is to inspire others, and hopefully one day I will.

Women Appreciation ❣️

                             

                             

Women’s History Month is celebrated in March of every year. In my opinion, we should be celebrating women everyday. Women have such a strong impact in our lives. They play the role of mother, sister, daughter, grandmother, and the list goes on. It’s 2017, and women are still disenfranchised by the wage gap.  What kind of sh** is that. I get it men can do it all. Can they really? As a women we deal with menstrual cramps, and still have a baby come out of us. NOW THAT.. is someone with balls. I just want to point out some reasons why being a woman is truly AMAZING.

  1. Women don’t have to sweat through a three piece suit.
  2. We own our real feelings.
  3. Car insurance is cheaper for us women, believe it or not.
  4. We’re better at multitasking.
  5. Ability to grow a human.
  6. Excellent communication skills.
  7. We don’t have to shave our face.
  8. We’re natural born leaders.
  9. Tolerance for pain.
  10. SLUMBER PARTIES!

Let’s face it we’re great. Our emotions can be head over heels sometimes but please understand why. PMS, is a huge excuse for our mood swings. I just want to say to all the women reading this...YOU ARE SPECIAL and AWESOME. I wanted to expose how great women are and I appreciate it them in my life. 

I'm Guatemalen. I'm American.

“I had to leave my two girls and mother, when I made the decision. It was devastating leaving but I only did it for them to have a better life. The poverty we were living in was just horrifying. The movement isn’t easy; I thought I was going to die through the whole thing. I arrived to America alive because god is huge. I arrived in LA, with nothing. The family, who was taking me in, ended up bailing. I stayed in LA for a while until a friend offered me to stay with her in Palm Springs. I had no money, my friend had to pay the coyote the rest amount of money that I owed them. Palm Springs is where I ended up living. Seven years later, I had the opportunity to bring my mother and girls. I situated citizenship for them as for myself. Ever since, we’ve had a really happy life. I truly believe were better off here. We might not have a lot but we have something to live for. Our land didn’t give us what America is giving us today.”